


Regret

by GothicLitFan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Realities, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Curtis/Shiro mentioned in first chapter, Fix-It of Sorts, I suppose it's a, M/M, Realisation of feelings, Realising you made a mistake, post-season 8, season 8 fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-10-01 09:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17241590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicLitFan/pseuds/GothicLitFan
Summary: Everyone finds themselves in an alternate reality where everything is the same, yet different. After witnessing a few things it gets Shiro thinking. He comes to a few realisations about a few things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After the travesty that was S8 I couldn't get this out of my head. I hated the epilogue and wanted to write a fix-it fic. I don't hate Curtis (okay, maybe a little) but he's a non-character. He's background and we know nothing about him. But I also didn't want to turn him into a bad person. I just don't think he and Shiro match or would last.
> 
> After having watched all eight seasons I can't imagine that Shiro would walk out of Keith's life completely. I can't imagine Shiro would be happy with the ending they gave him. At least not for long. Shiro is someone who likes to help people. I can't imagine he'll be happy on the sidelines for long.
> 
> EDIT: I felt the need to update this chapter as an idea for a continuation came to me.

“This is all so weird.” James said as he took a seat.

“Tell me about it.” Hunk replied as he sighed and rested his head on his hand. The others in the room all nodded.

No-one could quite believe what had happened to them. First they fly with the ATLAS to try and help a planet in distress, then they hit an area of weird turbulence, and then they end up in another reality because of said turbulence. No-one knew how to wrap their minds around what had happened. Especially as Allura’s sacrifice should have sealed all realities from one another.

It was odd being in another reality. Luckily for them everything appeared almost identical. Apart from a few noticeable differences. Like Allura was alive, which was the biggest one. They had also noticed that a few relationships appeared to be different as well.

That was what was most bizarre. Seeing yourself do and say things that you wouldn’t or hadn’t. It was disconcerting and uncomfortable to watch.

The alternate version of Shiro walked into the room and cleared his throat, “I just thought I’d let you all know that we will be launching tomorrow. We should be able to find the anomaly that caused you to cross between realities.”

“Thanks Shiro.” Pidge said as she fixed her glasses. The rest nodded.

It was then that Lance noticed the glint from Shiro’s finger, “You got married too?”

Shiro looked down at his hand and smiled before showing it to them all, “Yeah. Can you believe Keith was the one to propose?” He said as he laughed at the memory.

“Keith?” Lance asked.

Shiro nodded, “Yeah. Who else would I marry?”

The others began to look at each other as they tried to process the information. Lance shrugged and tried to play it off as casually as he could, “Just can’t believe someone would actually want Mullet is all.”

Keith glared at him.

Alternate Shiro smiled down at his ring again, “How could I not want him? Especially after all he’s done for me. It was easy to fall for him. I still find it difficult to figure out why he sticks by me.”

His smile looked much sadder as he finished talking. He looked up from his ring and at the others.

“What do you mean?” James asked before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth.

“Well, for one he keeps saving me. Saved me from the Garrison when I first crash landed, from enemies, from gladiator bots, from Haggar, from Black’s consciousness. Every time I’ve been in trouble Keith has been there to save me. Matt keeps joking Keith’s my knight in shining armour. Don’t tell him, but sometimes it feels a little too close to the truth. That doesn’t include the times Keith seems to just know when I’m struggling. He’s always there. A constant presence in my life I really don’t know what I would do without. I have no idea where I would be today if it wasn’t for Keith. He’s saved me, protected me, brought me back.”

“Brought you back?” Veronica asked.

“Yeah. After Allura put my essence in this body it struggled to house two consciousness’. The body began to shut down. It was thanks to Keith that I survived. He held onto me, begged me to stay while I held onto him. While the body was dying I dreamed of Keith. I held onto him as a reason to stay alive, to keep fighting. At the time it was so I could thank him. It was only later I admitted to myself there was another reason.”

“Wow! That’s one heck of a strong bond.” Veronica commented.

Shiro chuckled, “Yeah it is. I’m always amazed to think that it’s a bond that quite literally transcended death itself. It was my bond with Keith that saved me. After that it was easy to fall for him. I think I already had I just hadn’t admitted it to myself. Besides now I can’t imagine my life any other way. I can’t fathom trying to find what I have with Keith with someone else. I don’t think it’s possible. I will never have what I have with Keith with someone else. Our bond is a once in a lifetime kind of thing.”

“Wow.” Hunk whispered.

“Besides I don’t think it would work with anyone else.” Shiro said as he shrugged.

“What makes you say that?” Matt asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. He glanced over at their Shiro to see him stiff in shock. None of them could believe what they were hearing.

“Because I suck at relationships. I don’t know what it’s like for your Shiro but I really suck at relationships. Keith is the only person I’ve been able to keep around. And that’s friendships as well. It’s why I know what I have with Keith is unique. Nothing else, no-one else could ever compare. That’s why I also doubt, no I know, it wouldn’t work with anyone else.”

Before Shiro could say any more the door opened and alternate Pidge and Keith walked in.

“Hey, we interrupting something?” Keith asked.

Shiro wrapped his floating arm around Keith’s waist and pulled him closer, “No.”

He kissed Keith’s lips and smiled as they pulled away. The group watched the display as they digested alternate Shiro’s words. It was clear just from the look shared by alternate Keith and Shiro that they were deeply in love. No-one knew how to feel about all they had learned.

“Remember there are others in the room.” Alternate Pidge teased.

“Thank you Pidge.” Shiro said deadpan.

“So what were you talking about before we arrived?” Alternate Keith asked wrapping his arm around Shiro’s waist.

“He was just telling us about your relationship.” Coran replied.

“Oh God! Was he giving you one of his big romantic speeches about Keith? Oh Keith, my knight in shining armour. My love, my everything. How could I resist him?” Pidge said doing a poor imitation of Shiro as she clasped her hands together and held by her cheek with a lovestruck expression on her face.

“I hate you.” Shiro said.

“No you don’t.” She replied.

“I do right now.” He said as Keith wrapped both arms around his waist to stop him from going after Pidge.

She laughed at him as he glared at her. Even Keith couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his lips.

“He does this a lot?” Lance asked.

“Please, you ask about Keith and Shiro doesn’t shut up. Keith this, Keith that. You should have heard him for the first month after their wedding. He used every opportunity to let people know Keith’s his husband. This is my husband Keith, have you met my husband? My husband thinks this. I should ask my husband...”

“I wasn’t that bad.” Shiro protested.

“Oh no, you were.” Pidge countered, “It was cute, in a nauseating sort of way but cute nonetheless." She laughed at the sour expression on his face. He turned to Keith who maintained his grip on him and quickly noticed the look on his face.

“You too.”

Keith shrugged, “You know she’s only doing it because you react. Besides it was sweet, funny but sweet. I fell in love with a dork.”

“You two are unbelievable.” Shiro said as he huffed.

Alternate Coran entered the room, “Oh I’m not interrupting, am I?”

Pidge turned towards him, “Of course not Coran. What can we do you for you?”

“Right, well, I was just here to inform you all that Allura believes she had found a way to get you back to your own reality. I know we were due to take off tomorrow, which we still will, but she would like to speak to you all beforehand.” He explained.

“Right, well, shall we?” Shiro gestured towards the door.

He and Keith followed Coran and Pidge out of the door. No-one missed how they held hands the entire way to the meeting room. Nor could anyone get the words alternate Shiro had spoken out of their heads.

Everyone had listened to Allura’s plan and agreed to follow it the next day. Launch had been a success and now they were no on their way to the location of the spatial disturbance.

* * *

 Shiro should be happy to go home. And he was but he couldn’t get his alternate version’s words or life out of his head. The other Shiro’s marriage seemed to be easy. He and Keith seemed no different than normal apart from more affection. He was also very close to the other Paladins and remained with the ATLAS. He was helping with universal relief efforts. It seemed he hadn’t given up anything for his relationship. It all felt so different from his own. He couldn’t help but think of all the things he now no longer had in his life because of his decision to get married. He thought of the career he had given up and the friendships that were now distant at best. If he was honest he only saw the Paladins once a year. Here his other self saw them all the time. The difference was stark and he didn't like it.

He was envious. He shouldn’t be but he was.

He missed the action. He missed the travel. But he was also envious of the other Shiro’s marriage. His seemed difficult and hard work in comparison. He didn’t like the feeling.

He walked into his quarters and saw Curtis sat there with his ring in his hands instead of on his finger.

“I wish we’d never come here.” He said.

“It’s not like we chose to. It was beyond our control.” Shiro replied, knowing instantly this was going to turn into an argument. It felt like arguing is all they did nowadays.

“I wish we’d never seen any of this. It’s just shown me what I didn’t want to admit. This was never going to work.” He said and turned to Shiro.

The man in question stood in shock, “What?”

Shiro felt his stomach drop. Was he really hearing this? Sure things between him and Curtis had been strained for a while but they could make it work, right? Sure he had never been good at relationships but he had been determined to make it work. 

“I thought we could make it work. But we were never going to. We just don’t fit. I thought if we got married we could work on our issues, or that it would fix our issues but it only made them worse. We got married for the wrong reasons. We never should have gotten married. I never should have asked you out.”

Shiro felt like ice water had been poured over him, “Why?”

“Because you don’t love me. Not like you love him.”

“What are you…?”

“Coming here, it’s all so obvious. I wanted so badly for it not be true. I wanted you to love me like you love him but I can see now that will never happen.”

“Curtis.”

“Don’t Shiro. Don’t you see it?” He said as he stood up and began to pace the room. He’d placed the ring on the bedside cabinet.

“The way you are here is so different from how you are at home. You’re affectionate, you’re all over _him_. You don’t stop talking about him and you have a gleam in your eyes that I’ve never seen. It’s clear to everyone that, that is a man very much in love. For crying out loud he calls you Takashi. Takashi! You don’t let me do that! We still call each other by our last names. We each still have our own last names. We're not really a married couple, are we?”

Shiro took a step forward but Curtis waved him off.

“You’ve never been like that with me. I’ve had to initiate everything and I mean everything. I’m the one who shows affection, I’m the one that kisses you. For crying out loud, we haven't even had sex yet. And I understand the reasons why, I do but that doesn't mean it's not frustrating. Especially when you refuse to talk about it with anyone. I’m also the one who proposed and remembers events like dates. You never do any of it! You said you were bad at relationships but this is something else.”

“No, it’s...”

“We argued on our honeymoon. We spent the entire time arguing. That’s not normal. We sleep in different beds.”

“We have different schedules. It’s easier.” He said, choosing to ignore the comment about their honeymoon only two weeks ago. 

“We were falling apart long before this. But this, this was just the final nail in the coffin. You never loved me, at least not the way that someone is supposed to love their husband.”

“I did...I mean, I do. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have married you.” Shiro argued. He hated the relief he felt as Curtis spoke. It was like a weight he’d been carrying was being lifted. It was like he could see the end coming and instead of running from it, he wanted to run towards it. He didn’t know why he felt that way but he also hated how he wanted to hold on and let go at the same time.

“No you didn’t, don’t. You wanted normalcy. You wanted peace and I gave you that. But this wasn’t what you wanted. You think I don’t see the wistful way you watch the ships as they leave. Why did you even retire when it wasn’t what you wanted? I know you’re not happy.”

“I...” Shiro didn’t know what to say to those words. Why had he retired? Because the war was over? Because it was expected of him? He really didn’t know.

“I’m going to the room they gave to me. When we get back to our reality I’m going to move out. I’ll also start divorce proceedings.”

Shiro felt his eyes well up, “Curtis.”

“I was never who you really loved. I was kidding myself to think I could have you. It was obvious to everyone but you how much he cares about you, how much he loves you. You were never mine. I was a tool you used to make yourself feel better. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was something else. We never should have gotten together in the first place. War is the wrong time to start a relationship. People always get together for the wrong reasons. Look, I know you're not a bad person Shiro, you care too much. To be honest it's probably why you agreed to marry me in the first place despite the fact that your heart belongs to someone else.”

Curtis walked to the bedside table and dropped the ring. He turned towards Shiro and took a deep breath.

"I really do wish you all the best Shiro. I hope you eventually come to your senses and tell him how you feel. You both deserve to be happy and it's about time you were honest with yourself."

He turned his gaze to the ground and headed towards the door.

"Curtis. I really am sorry." Shiro said as he turned towards him. Curtis held up his hands and shook his head.

"I know."

With that he left. 

Shiro stood in shock. His husband of just one month had walked out on him, permanently. He’d been dumped. Again.

Yet all he felt was relief. He felt like he could breath for the first time in a long time. Tears welled in his eyes and spilled over. He didn’t know how long he cried but afterwards he felt better like a pressure had been released. He cried for his marriage, he cried for his screw ups and he cried because he felt free.

He knew deep down that Curtis had been right. During the war he’d been looking for a release of some kind. He didn’t know how to deal with everything that had happened to him and he didn’t want to turn to Keith with this, fearfully he would screw their friendship up. Not realising he would do that anyway. So when the cute bridge worker had offered himself he’d accepted. That was his first mistake.

He then trapped himself. He felt so guilty about Adam and Allura that he resolved to live the lives that they never got to. He knew they had craved normalcy, stuff like marriage and kids. So when Curtis had proposed after only four months of seeing each other he’d accepted. That was his second mistake.

He then felt even more trapped. Curtis was a good man and he didn’t want to hurt him, so he’d gone through with the wedding. Despite the fact that he’d spent the entire time thinking about another man. In fact he’d spent most of his interactions with Curtis thinking about Keith. He’d even called Curtis Keith a couple of times by accident. It was also Keith’s name he screamed when he woke up from a nightmare. That was his third mistake.

Then he had pushed Keith away. He did the one thing that he had promised Keith he would never do. He’d done it thinking it would save his relationship. He’d never been good at prioritising correctly. Now he feared he had ruined the best thing in his life for good. He knew it took a lot for Keith to trust someone and let them in and now he feared he’d broken that trust. That had been his fourth mistake.

Shiro let out a frustrated yell and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes in a poor attempt to stop his tears. Curtis had been wrong about one thing he had loved him. At least he thought he did. Thinking over their argument he noticed he’d referred to feelings in the past tense, and it hadn’t been the first time. He felt so much regret. He knew Curtis was right, they never should have gotten together. He hoped that Curtis found his happiness. He really did wish him the best. 

He hated himself for everything he’d done. Right now he felt horrible. Curtis was a much better man than him. Shiro couldn't believe that in a poor attempt to hurt no-one he had instead hurt everyone. He had hurt the two men who were closest to him and he hated himself for it. But he wasn't surprised that it had been Curtis who left him and not the other way around. 

It seemed that since returning to Earth he had made nothing but mistakes and he didn’t know how to fix it, any of it. 

A part of him wished he could go back and stop himself from making those mistakes. Sitting here and thinking about it all, he felt dirty. He felt disgusted with himself for the decisions he’d made and how he had screwed so much up. He hadn’t realised just how selfish he’d been. He really hoped it wasn’t too late to fix things. But something told him it was. He hoped that part of him was wrong.

He really, really hoped he found a way to fix all this.

If he could turn back time he would.

He looked down at his hand and took off his wedding ring. He wore it rarely, something else that had annoyed Curtis, and crushed it in his Altean hand. The metal dropped to the floor with a thud. He couldn’t believe that he and Curtis had only been together for less than a year. It was closer to six months if Shiro was being honest. The wedding had been hastily arranged as it had been used as a way to pick people up after the war. A reason to celebrate and boost morale after the war, Iverson had said. Another reason why Shiro had gone through with it despite his reservations.

Despite the fact that Shiro has fought for his place at the Garrison and on Kerberos he could be a people pleaser. Particularly when people relied on him. He was a leader, he was supposed to inspire and do what had to be done. No matter what he really felt about it. It was one of his biggest downfalls.

He held his head in his hands as the regret of all the decisions he had made since going back to Earth overwhelmed him. More tears fell and he sobbed for all the missed opportunities he hadn’t taken.

He thought back to the other him and how happy he was. He seemed to have the perfect life and Shiro could have had that too. But he’d screwed it up. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

He hoped that Keith could forgive him. He hoped he could work his way back into Keith’s good books. He wanted to make it right. He had to.

He would fight for Keith this time. No matter how long it took. No matter what he had to do to prove himself. Keith had spent so long fighting for him, only for Shiro to selfishly let him go. Now it was his turn to fight for Keith. He just hoped it would work.

This time he would keep his promise, he wasn’t going to give up. Not on Keith, not again.

Curtis had been right, he needed to be honest with himself. He needed to do something for himself and not do what was expected of him. He just hoped that he would be given the chance to fix things.

He looked at the lump of metal that used to be his wedding ring on the floor and picked it up. He threw it in the bin and then laid down. Shiro hated how everything had turned out but he was determined to make things better. Once they got back to their own reality he would begin his fresh start.

And he would do things right this time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro resolves to change how things go with Keith but things don't quite go to plan. What is he to do?

Keith sat on the bed and hugged his knees to his chest as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

Seeing the alternate versions of himself and Shiro act so in love was like a knife to the chest. He wished so much that, that was him and Shiro.

He had loved Shiro for as long as he understand what love was. When he had been fighting with Shiro’s clone and thought he was going to die he wanted his last words to be how he really felt. He had even thought that there was the possibility during the war but it hadn’t turned into anything. He remembered the brief moments where he thought that Shiro might make a move but he never did. Then Shiro had begun to distance himself. The ATLAS took up more and more of his time. Keith knew the distance between them was partially his fault. Being leader of Voltron and a member of the Blades had left him with little free time. So he hadn’t noticed the distance until it was too late.

He remembered how after one mission he had resolved to finally work up the courage and talk to Shiro about his feelings. If he was rejected then they could remain friends but he had to know. He turned up on Earth with determination. However that had all changed when he met with Shiro and the other Paladins and Shiro introduced Curtis as his boyfriend.

He wasn’t proud of himself but he had secretly wished for them to break up. But then he had received word that they were getting married and Keith felt his heart shatter. He had been too late. It was obvious that he had missed his chance, if he had had a chance at all.

Despite how his heart had broken he had remained by Shiro’s side as he always had. Even if he couldn’t have him the way he wanted he was still Shiro’s best friend. And being his best friend was not a consolation prize. He was happy being Shiro’s friend. He wanted Shiro to be happy and if that wasn’t with him then he was content with that as long as Shiro was happy. He just wanted him in his life but even that seemed to be changing. As life dragged them to different sides of the universe it was becoming harder to maintain their friendship. He didn’t know what had happened but he knew that he wanted it to change.

But how?

How could he get his friendship with Shiro back?

Being here was bringing up all the emotions that he had shoved deep down. He thought he had sealed those emotions behind lock and key but they were creeping to the surface more and more, the longer they spent in this reality. It hurt to see this alternate life where he could kiss Shiro when he wanted, touch him when he wanted and love him when he wanted. He wanted all that for himself but he knew he was never going to get it.

He was content to be Shiro’s friend. He just wished his treacherous heart would accept that.

* * *

 

The trip back to their own reality went off without a hitch. They were back in their own reality.

But the feeling was far more sombre that expected. The memories of what they saw was all they could think about and now they had to deal with the consequences.

For Shiro his entire life had been turned upside down. Curtis had kept his promise and asked for an annulment upon their return. It hadn’t taken long for it to come through and mysteriously his marriage was completely wiped from all systems. There was no trace to be found, even pictures disappeared. Shiro wasn’t sure how he felt about it’s complete disappearance nor did he why it had happened.

He moved out of the apartment and never saw Curtis again. He didn’t know where he had gone but he really did wish him the best. They may not have been right for each other but Shiro hoped Curtis found the one for him. There would always be a part of him that felt guilty for what he had put Curtis though. He had known it was wrong to be with someone when you were constantly thinking of someone else. He also knew now, after some serious self-reflection, that Curtis had been right. He had wanted normalcy and a break so had gone down a route that he believed would grant him that and then gotten himself in too deep. It hadn’t been fair to anyone and Shiro was glad that they could fix it but he did regret that it all had caused so much heartbreak.

It was odd to think that the six months the two had been together had vanished just like that, as if they had never happened. It was weird to pack up his life and move somewhere else. The life he thought he would lead was now over. But he couldn’t say he was completely devastated by it.

He got reinstated at the Garrison and began preparing as many intergalactic missions as he could. He was also determined to repair his friendship with Keith. He wanted his best friend back. Maybe one day they could be more but right now he wanted his friend, his right hand man.

But how to go about it?

He felt guilty whenever he thought of Keith. Seeing how their alternate selves acted and spoke about each other as well as Curtis’ words were a wake up call. He realised how much he had taken Keith’s presence for granted. Seeing them so close had shown him just how distant he and Keith had become. He had always thought that Keith would always be there but seeing themselves like they had showed him just how untrue that was.

He knew he was exaggerating a bit but the Keith shaped hole in his life felt massive now that he was paying attention to it. It had all made him re-evaluate what Keith had actually meant to him. He had realised that any version of the future he pictured always had Keith in it and by his side. Unfortunately he was just now realising in exactly what context he wanted Keith by his side...and it wasn’t platonic.

But how did he go about repairing the damage?

After days of consideration he realised he had to bite the bullet and reach out to Keith. He wrote and rewrote a text message. He agonised over every word and how it could be perceived. He eventually grew frustrated with himself and clicked ‘send’, only to begin panicking that he hadn’t worded it properly and worried about its length.

But with the message sent all he could do was wait. He just hoped that Keith would speak to him. It had been a month since the trip to the alternate dimension and he hoped that it had been enough time for them to deal with it.

So while he went about his day, he waited.

* * *

 

Once back, Keith had returned to the Blades. He had told them about the trip but not revealed any details. He couldn’t. He was spending enough time attempting to build the walls around his heart once again.

In the month that had passed he had heard nothing from Shiro which hadn’t been surprising. The two of them were busy people and it was difficult to routinely communicate across opposite sides of the universe.

After weeks of no contact Keith had thought that everyone could move on from what they saw. He wasn’t expecting to see a text message from Shiro.

He opened his data pad and read it. His heart skipped at beat at the words.

‘ _Hey Keith, this is Shiro. How have you been? I known we haven’t talked a lot recently but I would like to change that. So, how are things? How are the Blades and your mum? Love, Shiro_ ’

Keith stared at the screen unblinkingly. It was nice to hear from Shiro but his eyes kept gravitating towards how he had ended the message. He had used the word love. Surely he didn’t mean it that way? Did he really not know how Keith felt about him, especially after witnessing what they had in that alternate reality? After everything they had been through?

Keith stared at the message. There was no question that he would reply. It was just a question of what did he say? Did he keep it short and sweet or did he write a lengthy message?

Despite how he felt, Shiro was still his friend. He wanted Shiro in his life and knew communication was key to that as they were now on opposite ends of the universe.

He spent far longer than he would ever admit thinking up what to say. He wanted it to sound casual. He didn’t want to waste this opportunity that Shiro had presented by reaching out. He read the message to himself;

‘ _Hi Shiro. I’m well, thanks. Mum and the wolf are also well. Things with the Blades are good. We are still working on relief efforts and helping anyone that reached out to us. It feels good to help people and I’m glad I can do my part even if I’m not part of Voltron anymore. How are things with you? Love, Keith_ ’

He clicked send and put the data pad in his pocket. He continued with his work and pointedly ignored the stares and looks he received from his team.

Keith felt nervous energy build up in him as he waited for a reply.

The response came surprising quick. Universal communication was notoriously slow and he was amazed he only had to wait a few days for a response. But with communication established Shiro and Keith found it surprisingly easy to talk to each other. They talk about it all; big things, small things, their jobs, others around them. The conversation flowed naturally and both felt more at ease than they had in a long time.

But there was one subject that they avoided. Their love lives. It was a taboo subject. Neither broached the topic and neither wanted to, fearfully of what the answers would be.

* * *

 

Over the next few months the messages between the two increased. It helped that they were closer in proximity as it made the messages come quicker.

Shiro had been given the okay to launch the ATLAS to help with a call for aid the Garrison had received. It turned out that the Blades were also helping which meant that Shiro and Keith would have the opportunity to see each other again.

Both were nervous.

It would be the first time since their trip to the alternate reality and neither knew what to expect. It still haunted them both. They kept thinking of what ifs.

But they didn’t let that stop them.

The ATLAS landed and the Blades were there to greet the crew and debrief them on how they would be helping. Shiro couldn’t help himself and looked out for Keith in the crowd.

Kolivan saw Shiro’s eyes wandering and knew who he was looking out for. He apologised that several Blades were currently in a meeting with the planet’s leader and they wouldn’t be out until later. Shiro couldn’t help but feel a bit of disappointment but he kept his composure.

It wasn’t until later that afternoon that Shiro and Keith finally crossed paths.

Shiro was out on a viewing platform and looked over the landscape. He didn’t realise how much he had missed this. To feel the alien air and breathe it in was a marvel that he revelled in. It was a small thing but it reminded him that he was achieving his dream of exploring the stars. He was also fascinated with the alien plants and life. He wanted to know about it all. He took a deep breath as he let the alien world fill his senses.

His attentions were brought to the door as he heard it open and someone enter the space. He turned and was pleasantly surprised to see it was Keith. And he looked better than ever. The Blades uniform hugged his body in all the right places and Shiro noticed his hair was longer than before. He felt his mouth go dry and his words failed him. He felt like he was looking at Keith for the first time…and he was gorgeous.

Keith approached and smiled.

“Hey.”

Shiro returned the smile, “Hi.”

A pregnant pause occurred as neither were really sure on what to say.

“So, how was the journey?” Keith asked as he crossed his arms.

“It was good. I’m glad it was smooth for the ATLAS’ first outing since the war.” Shiro responded as he scratched the back of his neck, “How are things here?”

Keith shrugged, “Alright. The planets needs help rebuild which involves equipment that the Blades don’t have. So thanks for coming out here.”

“Of course. People need help. I’m glad I can be useful.” The _again_ remained unspoken but was understood by them both. It was another example of the topic they didn’t touch.

“Good. I can lead you to where your team will be needed and then let you know what we will need to ATLAS for. Will be alright if you make her transform? We need it for the heavy lifting.”

“Of course. Lead the way.”

The rest of the day was hard work but pleasant. Shiro was glad to see Keith again and it felt brilliant to be working together again. He hadn’t realised he had missed this so much. In fact both of them had missed being around each other and working together.

But Shiro found himself flustered throughout the day. Keith’s looks took his breath away on more than one occasion and he couldn’t have been more proud as he watched Keith lead his team. Keith had also improved physically. Shiro was impressed with how much weight Keith could carry on his shoulders. Discovering that had led to the fantasy of Keith picking him up and pressing him against the wall. Something he had quickly tried to get out of his head before Keith noticed he was staring.

By the days end Shiro was feeling hot and bothered. He retired to his room and thought about his reactions to Keith. Not only had he been flustered but he’d blushed a lot (he blamed it on the sun) and found himself stumbling over his words. He had been given a number of looks by Keith’s team, although Keith had remained blissfully unaware.

It had amazed him how much Keith’s mere presence seemed to calm his turbulent mind. He felt calm for the first time in, in…well he didn’t know but it had been a long time. He been on edge for so long he had almost forgotten what true calmness felt like.

He couldn’t believe the things he was feeling for and because of Keith. His heart skipped beats and he wanted to be around Keith all the time. He’d already been teased a couple of times for having a crush on Keith by his team. And he supposed he did have a crush. One that was big enough to be called love. He had finally admitted it to himself but he couldn’t ruin things with him. They were only just back on track and he couldn’t risk something happening to change that.

The rest of the week passed much the same and by the end Shiro thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Being around Keith again was like a breath of fresh air but also complete torture. He was so proud of Keith for all that he had achieved but he was struggling to rein in his feelings. He swore his heart had stopped when, during one particularly hot afternoon, Keith had emptied a water bottle over his head to cool himself down. He wasn’t entirely convinced he hadn’t actually drooled when that happened.

Instances like that had made him want to talk to Keith. He wanted to see where they stood. But he was also scared. With everything that had happened between them he was worried about what Keith would say.

On the night before he was due to leave he finally worked up the courage to talk to Keith.

He made his way to where he knew Keith would be once the stars filled the sky.

The viewing platform he had found when he first arrived.

He made his way there with butterflies in his stomach. He wanted, no needed this conversation with Keith but he didn’t know how it would go.

Seeing Keith stood there in the light of the setting sun took his breath away. The man in front of him really was beautiful. Keith spotted him and smiled.

“Hey, Shiro.”

“Hi.”

The two stood next to each other in a comfortable silence. It had been a long time since they had the opportunity to do this.

Shiro swallowed down his nerves and turned to face Keith.

“Keith, can I talk to you about something?”

Keith looked at him quizzically, “Of course you can. What is it?”

“It’s about the alternate reality and what we saw.”

Keith froze as he processed Shiro’s words. Why was he bringing up the alternate reality? Why was he bringing it up now and not straight after they came back?

“What about it?” Keith winced as he could clearly hear the nervousness that had invaded his voice.

“Well, it’s just that…” Shiro took a deep breath as his prepared speech escaped from his memories.

“Shiro, please don’t.”

Shiro paused. Keith’s voice had been so small and so quiet he almost missed it. Keith looked away from Shiro and instead down at the ground. His fringe hid his features from Shiro.

“Shiro, please don’t say anything you don’t mean. Just don’t.”

“You know I never would but we need to talk about this.”

“Do we? We’re not them. We don’t have a life like theirs.”

“I know but I still feel like we should talk about it.”

“Why?”

Shiro realised this was the moment. He took a deep breath, “Because maybe I want what they had, or have.”

Keith paused. Did he hear what he thought he heard? He eyes Shiro suspiciously, “What?”

Shiro felt the nerves rise, “I want what they had.”

“Then why are you telling me? You’re married.”

“Divorced. Well, it was annulled actually. Happened right after we got back. It’s been about two months since it was finalised.”

Keith’s eyes widened in surprise. He hadn’t heard that before, but then he hadn’t exactly been making an effort to stay up to date on Shiro’s love life. Keith stayed silent. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to what Shiro was suggesting. His treacherous heart picked up its pace as his brain registered the implications of his words. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. He was content with being Shiro’s friend. Why did Shiro have to confuse everything?

Shiro waited a few moments to see if Keith would say anything but the man in question just stared at him.

“Keith…”

“Shiro, please don’t.”

Shiro opened his mouth to speak but Keith continued.

“No, Shiro. Don’t say what I think you’re about to say, especially if this is some kind of rebound. I am happy being your friend and I will always be. So don’t…”

Shiro couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Keith really think so little of him?

“Okay.”

Keith nodded and the two now stood awkwardly looking out from the viewing platform as they thought about the conversation. Keith was thankful that the conversation seemed to be over. He could be Shiro’s friend but not his rebound. As much as he wanted to be with Shiro he wanted it to be real, not the product of a break up or an experience like visiting an alternate reality. If he couldn’t have that he wanted his friendship.

For Shiro he couldn’t believe that Keith had rejected him. Well, not really rejected him but clearly thought he was rebounding from his divorce. Which Shiro supposed was a fair assumption. Two months wasn’t very long after a break up especially from a marriage. He could understand why Keith thought that but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

The conversation filled their heads for the rest of the night. Keith stared at the ceiling of his room and hoped that his heart would eventually calm down. The idea that Shiro was seriously suggesting starting a relationship was something that Keith had dreamed of but not like this. The nagging doubt made him question Shiro’s intentions and he hated it. He knew it was because he had been hurt but he trusted Shiro completely. Deep down he wanted this to be real.

Shiro kept replaying the conversation in his head wondering where he went wrong. Had he misread things? Was he just seeing what he wanted to see? He replayed Keith’s words in his head repeatedly as he tried to understand why Keith had said no. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been thinking about it when it suddenly came to him...Keith had said no to being a rebound, not to a relationship. His heart beat faster. Maybe he still had a chance. But how would he go about it? How did he prove to Keith he was serious? Whatever he decided he knew he had to tread carefully.

The next day things were a little tense between them. The ATLAS was preparing to leave so he wasn’t sure when he would see Keith in the flesh again. He didn’t want to leave with things like this between them but knew he had no choice.

While packing up he was surprised to find Krolia stood with his crew.

“Captain.”

“Krolia, how are you? We didn’t have much time to talk.”

“I am well, thank you. It is good to see you flying again. You were missed during your time away.”

Shiro winced at her words.

“I feel like you’ve had a conversation that didn’t go well with my son.”

Shiro stared at her. How did she…? He blinked. Of course she knew. She was a Blade and Keith’s mother. Of course she knew when something was wrong with Keith. He nodded and dropped his gaze to the floor. He really didn’t want to give Krolia a bad impression of him but he had a feeling that may have already happened. He also knew that since reuniting with Keith she was known to be fiercely protective while also allowing her son freedom.

“May I offer some advice? I suggest to prove to him that your words are real, that there is meaning behind them.”

With that she turned and left.

He stared after her. Did she just offer him relationship advice? Advice about starting a relationship with Keith? He wasn’t sure what to say or do but he took her words seriously.

If he had to prove to Keith he was being serious about his intentions then that is what he would do. He wasn’t going to give up on him. He had done that once before and it had only hurt them. Now was the time to make amends and hopefully rebuild an even stronger relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro makes the effort to prove his affections are genuine and to make amends with Keith.

And Shiro followed Krolia‘s advice.

If he had to prove to Keith that he was genuine in his intentions for a relationship then that is what he would do.

Mostly it started out small. Messages between the two continued and Shiro would try to flirt. It was difficult over messages and it had quickly become clear that Keith had no idea how flirting worked or certainly didn’t recognise it.

Shiro didn’t give up.

He also sent pictures. Often of sunsets with the caption ‘ _This made me think of you_ ’. But they weren’t the only pictures. There were also picture of the other Paladins and of things that Shiro thought were interesting during his missions.

He also signed everything ‘Love, Shiro’. He wanted Keith to know that he was serious about this.

As for Keith he didn’t know what to make of it all. At first he had been glad that their friendship had continued as normal, as if they hadn’t had that conversation. But it soon became clear that something had changed. The messages that he received from Shiro were increasingly affectionate in nature. There were even a couple that he would say were romantic.

He didn’t know what to do about it. With every message his hopes rose that Shiro really was being serious. But the nagging doubt remained in the back of his mind that this was all a rebound or that once he gave in Shiro would become uninterested. He knew that Shiro was better than that but that didn’t stop his doubts. He truly hated feeling like this. It was unfair to Shiro.

He was weary of revealing his feelings, even if he had already given Shiro his heart.

Things continued that way for the next three months.

Shiro was excited to once again be working with Keith. Their paths were crossing on New Altea as there was a diplomatic meeting taking place. Shiro had been selected as the ambassador for Earth while Keith would be the ambassador for the Galra. They would get to spend the week together.

Shiro remained ever the professional but that didn’t mean he wasn’t constantly on the look out for Keith. Once the man in question arrived, Shiro found himself having the same reaction he had when he had seen him when he had returned from the Quantum Abyss.

The first day passed by without incident and the two were as friendly as they had ever been. But it hadn’t gone unnoticed that two remained close but there was a new level of physicality to their relationship. Shiro seemed to always find a reason to touch Keith, mostly by placing a hand on his shoulder or arm.

The second day had been much like the first and Shiro was already growing tired of the seemingly endless meetings. He understood their importance but that didn’t mean he enjoyed them. He was also struggling to keep Keith off of his mind.

Ever since he had finally admitted to himself that he loved Keith all he wanted to do was talk to him about the possibility of a relationship. The last time hadn’t gone well but he was hoping he had by now proven he was serious.

He sat in his room and waited for Keith. They had agreed to spend the evening together and Shiro couldn’t help but feel nervous. He had made a lot of mistakes in his past and he was determined to do things right. Before he could become consumed by his fears a knock echoed through the room.

He got up and opened the door and let Keith in.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

The two settled on the bed and the conversation flowed easily. They talked about the meetings, hopes for the outcome and anything that came to mind. As much as Shiro enjoyed talking with Keith again he noticed that their casual intimacy had disappeared. In the past Keith had no problem touching him or leaning against him but now Keith always kept space between them. He understood why but he still didn’t like it. Especially not since admitting how he felt.

He thought about how to broach the subject with Keith. But he was drawing a blank.

Keith noticed that Shiro had gone quiet and that he had a contemplative expression on his face.

“Shiro?”

No response.

“Shiro?”

Keith touched Shiro’s arm which caused him to look at Keith but he could tell that Shiro wasn’t really paying attention. He seemed to stare unseeing. Keith’s concern skyrocketed at his expression. Was he having a PTSD episode? What was happening?

“Shiro?!”

Shiro flicked his gaze to Keith and looked at him. His eyes shined and the light hit his hair making it almost glow. He was transfixed. Just being in the same room as Keith was a joy and Shiro couldn’t believe that he had denied himself this because of fear.

“I love you.”

Keith’s eyes widened, “What?”

The shocked expression suddenly on Keith’s face made Shiro’s stomach drop. Did he say that out loud?

Keith continued to stare at him which was making him panic.

“Keith, I’m sorry. This isn’t how I wanted to…”

“You meant to say it?”

Shiro studied Keith’s face. While his expression was mostly shock he could see fear in his eyes. He knew he had to tread carefully. If he didn’t he would screw everything up with Keith again.

“I meant the words but not to say them like that.”

“Like what?”

“Out of the blue. I want to, to know there was a chance before I said them.”

Shiro bowed his head and avoided looking at Keith. He had no idea what Keith would say his his words but he was almost too scared to find out.

Keith remained staring at Shiro as he tried to process his words. He had always known that Shiro cared about him, that they were important to each other. But did he take the risk with his heart?

Looking at Shiro he knew that yes, he would take that risk. He already had. He had long ago given Shiro his heart. His gaze softened as he realised that this was it. This was his chance.

Shiro didn’t move but heard Keith shift beside him. He felt a hand on his cheek which directed him to look at Keith. He did so reluctantly and was amazed to see a soft expression on Keith’s face. He didn’t move fearful of scaring Keith off.

Keith stroked his thumb across Shiro’s cheek and watched amazed as Shiro leaned into his hand. He could see the fear in Shiro’s eyes.

He took a deep breath and leaned forward. He didn’t let go of Shiro’s cheek as he pressed their lips together. The kiss itself was quick and chaste. No more than pressing their lips together for a couple of seconds. Keith drew back a short distance.

“Shiro, I love you too.”

Shiro let out a shuddering breath and couldn’t take his eyes off of Keith. He brought his human hand up and laid it on top of Keith’s, which hadn’t left his cheek. Smiles slowly stretched across their faces and they rested their foreheads together as processed what had just happened.

It wasn’t long before they leaned in again.

The kisses continued and became deeper as the two finally gave into their desire for one another. Neither could believe that this was actually, really, finally happening. The sensations from the kisses seemed to travel all over their bodies and they felt better than they had in a long time. It was like they were finally awake after a long period asleep.

Eventually they pulled back for air but remained close. They looked into the other’s eyes and smiled. Their grins could barely be contained and their arms were wrapped around each other. Shiro pulled on Keith slightly and Keith moved so he was straddling Shiro’s lap.

They dived back in for more kisses. It seemed once they started they couldn’t stop. And why would they want to? This was years in the making and something that should have happened a long time ago. Shiro mentally kicked himself for delaying this for so long. He couldn’t believe he finally had this gorgeous man in his arms.

Keith ground his hips into Shiro’s on instinct as he lost himself to the pleasure of both being with a Shiro and kissing him.

Shiro gasped as he felt the pressure on his hips. He pulled away and looked at Keith. His eyes were half lidded and his lips swollen from the kisses. He wasn’t sure what to do when Keith experimentally rolled his hips again.

The pleasure travelled up his spine only to be once again followed closely by the familiar uncomfortable feeling he got with this body.

He put his hands on Keith’s hips to stall him.

“Keith.” His voice sounded strained to his ears.

He wanted to continue but knew himself well enough that he wouldn’t be able to. Keith must have seen the conflict in his eyes because he quickly got off of his lap.

Shiro cupped Keith’s cheek before he could get too far away and pressed a kiss to his lips. Keith looked at him wearily. Shiro sighed and knew he had to say something.

“I want you to know it’s not you, it’s me.”

Keith raised an eyebrow at Shiro.

“I know it’s cliché but it’s true. Ever since I woke up in this body I always felt, uncomfortable in it. Almost like it isn’t really mine. As a result I don’t like seeing myself naked or being touched. I just, I don’t how to fix it or how to make it stop. And I want to, trust me I do. I know I’m touch-starved but, I just, you need to know.”

Shiro finished and looked into his lap. His hands folded over his lap and he waited for the inevitable rejection. His body issues had caused so many problems during his relationship with Curtis and he was worried it would cause the same issues with Keith.

“Body image issues?”

Shiro nodded, “I believe so.”

“You think it’s because you’re in the clone’s body?”

Shiro nodded again, “I guess I wish they was more we could have done to help him. I feel guilty that I took his body for himself.”

“You feel like you killed him.”

Keith’s words were a statement not a question.

“Shiro, he was dying. Even if there had been a way to save you both, he wouldn’t have lasted much longer. I know it doesn’t really help but you shouldn’t feel guilty. There was nothing you could have done. And I wouldn’t have changed a thing if it meant bringing you back.”

Shiro looked up at Keith’s words. His eyes filled with tears but he didn’t let them fall.

“As many times as it takes, huh?”

“As many times as it takes.” Keith shifted so he was facing Shiro, “If it’s bothering you that much why haven’t you sort out help?”

Shiro shrugged. He didn’t really know, well he did but he didn’t want to admit it to Keith. He felt he was too messed up for help. After all, what therapist could help him with all he had been through? What therapist had been trained to help people who had switched bodies?

Keith cupped both of Shiro’s cheeks and made the older man look at him.

“You need to get some help. I can’t protect you from everything, especially your own mind. That is a battle you’ll have to fight on your own. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be alone.”

Shiro looked at the man in front of him. His unconditional love and support was everything to him. He had no idea why he had made the decisions he had but he really didn’t know what he would do without Keith.

“I mean it Shiro. I don’t care if we never have sex or are ever intimate. Sex is not the only thing to a relationship. I want to be with you and I want you to be healthy and happy. Your well-being comes first.”

Shiro let a few tears fall at Keith’s words and seeing the fierce determination in his eyes. Was it possible to fall even more I love with this man than he already was? He was so glad that Keith was understanding. He leaned forward and rested his head in the crook of Keith’s neck, which caused Keith to let go of his face and wrap his arms around his shoulders instead.

They simply held each other for a while.

Eventually Keith’s knees had ached so they had moved to laying down. Shiro threw his human hand over Keith’s waist and buried his face into the crook of Keith’s neck again. Keith once again wrapped his arms around Shiro’s shoulders but was also running his fingers through Shiro’s hair. Shiro hadn’t felt so relaxed in a long time.

It was a weight off of his shoulders that Keith understood why he hadn’t wanted to go further then kissing. The unwavering support had been exactly what he had needed. He thought about Curtis’ reaction. While he too said he understood it hadn’t taken long before he asked about it again. He wanted to know what Shiro would be comfortable with and when Shiro had explained that he was uncomfortable with anything sexual, it had led to an argument. Keith on the other hand had just accepted his word.

It made him feel like he wasn’t insane for not wanting sex. He relaxed and got his prosthetic to rest against Keith’s back.

The two soon fell asleep.

But before he drifted off Shiro couldn’t help but be thankful he was righting his mistakes. He regretted a lot of his actions and decisions but he truly felt like he was on the right course now. He would get the help he needed. Although Keith said he was fine without sex he wasn’t. He wanted to give Keith that part of himself, plus he really missed sex. He wanted back to his version of normal. He wanted to give Keith everything he could. He deserved after being forced to wait for him. Shiro couldn’t help but feel extremely grateful that Keith had never given up on him. And he resolved to never take Keith’s presence for granted ever again.

With Keith in his arms and by his side he knew that the future looked bright.


End file.
